We all have to prioritize, right? But it’s so hard… I want to do it all. I’m incredibly fascinated (obsessed?) with homebirth/midwifery. I’d love to apprentice to be a midwife but with 4 caterpillars at home 7 and under and probably (hopefully) more to come, I couldn’t devote the time in order to really be what I would need to be or what the women I served would need of me. My kids and hubby would suffer from neglect, my home would not be the haven it is right now. So that cannot be pursued in a manner that will lead to a career right now. Thanks to a wonderful, passionate-about-homebirth friend, though, I am still learning all I can about it all. She has so graciously allowed me to attend her prenatal appointments and her birth. I am in awe. I only pray that I will someday be able to let my body do what it was meant to do without “help”.
All four of our caterpillars were hospital births. It is only by the grace of God that there were no major complications. I was induced with all but one and still ended up on pitocin with that one. I had epidurals with all of them. My first, I was induced 2 weeks “late”, made it 9 out of 11 hours of labor without drugs and then begged for an epidural b/c I had lost control and couldn’t breathe. I had nightmares for months afterwards. My second, I was induced 2 weeks early because he was so big. I had an epidural right away because I thought “Why suffer?”. I thought it was great but realize that we (hubby and I) lost something in that process. I didn’t have to lean on him, I didn’t “need” him, which I’m only realizing now, really affected our relationship with each other. He felt like a third wheel. Sad, huh? My third sweetie, I went into labor on my own, went to the hospital where they broke my water. He promptly went back up north and I was told I had 8 hours to have him or I would have to have a c-section. They put me on pit, and sat me in a rocking chair where I proceeded to rock/pray this child out. Contractions had been very tolerable before the pit but after the pit, I again couldn’t deal, so got yet another epidural. Now we come to baby #4. I’ve learned alot, learning how to work with contractions and not against them. How to relax instead of tensing up. How to disappear into myself so it wasn’t overwhelming. Practiced alot because of lots of premature labor. 
But then, my water broke and no signs of labor anywhere. My doctor said “Well, we can wait awhile but your chances of infection go up every hour that labor doesn’t start. If you get an infection, you will have to have a c-section.” Sign me up, doc. Induce me please. I was resigned to never have a natural labor and birth. I have a MAJOR fear of any type of surgery, particularly one that they would want to keep me conscious for. Just the mention of a cesarean breaks me out in a cold sweat.
All of my babies have been very healthy and in the 8 lb range. And now, I’ve learned so much that I can see God’s hand on them and I as we labored and delivered. By all accounts, I picked one of the most dangerous places to give birth. I used to trust my doctor and the medical community implicitly. Not so much anymore. I’m continually amazed as I discover the distance between what the “establishment” tells us as mothers and the reality that God created our bodies with the incredible ability to birth babies and not just be “delivered”. I am looking forward to my next pregancy and the opportunity to tie strings with my husband as we learn to work together to birth our next little caterpillar.
Other interests are homeschooling (kind of a priority), homesteading (self sufficient living), knitting, cooking, baking, sewing and gardening. Maybe I can learn to better manage my time so I can do it all. We’ll see.
